And I confess, Babe. In my dreams you’re touching my face and asking if I wanna try again with you.”
I am so tired of begging to be noticed. Of screaming to get my words heard. I am a mother,a wife. My words, my rules, should be scared. It’s not as if I am blasphemous about anyone’s rights or religion, I don’t say about Jonathan Kent’s personal life, I never come right out and ask if the Penguin is gay, I only speak in positive reinforcements to the heroes, and I don’t even question the hard no.
Yet at the end of the day, I’m the bad guy. I enforce baths, homework, and Graduations. I keep in touch with teachers to know what snacks to send, what forms need sign, and how much money we owe. I organize vacations, call in ADHD meds, rearrange my work schedule so I am off for counselling appointments as well as physical therapy for the Penguins broken foot. I schedule the animals vet appointments.
And somehow I have developed a problem with alcohol, and people wonder why? I don’t drink while the littles are up, and I function fine. However, its enough of a problem that people ask me if I am sober (ok 1 person, multiple times) before beginning a conversation. I want to laugh in their faces. No I am not sober! And even if I wasn’t drunk, I’d be sedated in lala land with nerve pills, so which version do ya want?
I’m just so over this life. I really am. I want disappear. Literally. If I woke up somewhere else tmr, and knew that at a certain fate I’d go home and my kids would be taken care of in the meantime, i would take that deal in a second. And do you know why?
When my biological mother died, who i found, I told every aunt cousin and friend I had, I love you because I needed to hear it back. Finally about 8 hours later one of my aunts said it back.
When my daughter was deemed incompatible with life, nobody in my family acknowledged what had happened. They made me go through with a wedding, 3 days later.
When I was in labor with Batman and had a placental abruption, no one was there when I woke up. A nurse. She told me all the stats on him, but couldn’t tell me the color of his hair or who he looked like. It was 4 hours before I saw someone who wasn’t medical. And that’s only because I sent a nurse after Jonathan Kent because I was losing it.
When Batman had colic, I called an aunt and told her I hadn’t slept more than 45 mins at a time in days, and I was too exhausted to pick him up, and Jonathan Kent had gone back to work, she told me it was my problem and to work it out.
When I was pregnant with Robin, I was on bedrest for 16 weeks. No one listened to the dr and I never got bed rest. I got picking up, chasing, changing a 40lb 2 year old.
Two minutes after I walked in the door after coming home from the hospital with Robin, I had to change Batmans diaper, where he preceeded to kick me in the stomach.
There are many more things I can throw out at my family. Calling me 4 minutes after mother/aunt has passed demanding to take her property.
Asking me to masterbate for you. Asking me for insane amounts of money.
I dont just think my family has taken advantage of me, I think they see me as a walking ATM machine they can order what they want, and to help with the consequences.
This goes for all my family, super heroes, husband’s and ex husband’s.
No one sees mothers. They don’t see the dishes or laundry or dirt in the sweeper after it’s ran. They don’t measure the little amount of sleep. They don’t see the time I put into figuring out childcare.
They don’t see. And they don’t care. Because its a motherfucking man’s world and I’ve got a vagina.